Jun 10, 2016
free from single shaming

One day I was talking to a woman that I just met. She told me she has recently gotten married and she is having a baby. I congratulated her. "What about you?", she asked. "Oh I don't have any kids and I'm still single". I told her quite proudly. She laughed out loud and asked "but why? how old are you?" and laughed again. She laughed like I told her the funniest joke for the day. Telling her my age would probably result to even more scrutiny. So I smiled, winked and said, "it's a secret". I can't count how many comments I've heard from fellow women, older women, and married women. "You're not getting any younger...", "think of your eggs." Oh this one, "Are you a lesbian?" or "why? but you're so pretty!" These comments that match their condescending look with a hint of pity, that say I am a strange creature from another planet. Sometimes I'm tempted to get all defensive, but more often I just shrug and say "oh well". Cos I know deep inside there are moments, they wish they could be me. In fact , I hear that too. "Oh I wish I could be more like you... so free" which is just another form of single shaming. I'm not single because of lack of trying. There are people in my phone book who'd be rushing to date me. They're just one text away...if I'm that desperate. It's not the 1900's anymore. Why are women expected to be married and to bear children before they turn 30? And if you're not and don't, something's seriously wrong with you. Even in church, people are segregated this way: Please tick if you are 0 student 0 married 0 single. Can't we think of any other way to tell people apart. Is there a law that these groups of people can't mingle with each other? Perhaps it'is a good idea for students to get a long with old married couples. I bet they will learn a lot. As observed, there seems to be 2 groups of single women, group A are those who are.. should I say...obsessed.. about getting married and "finding the one" that's all they talk about. Everything they say seems to conclude somehow to getting married. Their facebook posts are all about "the one" and waiting for the perfect time. Sorry I can't help but roll my eyes. Then there's group B, those women who want nothing to do with men or finding love and highlight the fact that they are single which is reflected by their dozen posts about single life. None of these two groups seem to appeal to me. Am I supposed to be defined by my civil status? I admit I do think about having a husband and having kids. Probably not as often as group A. No. I don't pray about it everyday as I've been instructed before. Heck. My dad probably prayed more for it than I ever did. My prayer often goes like this: "Father help me to appreciate the now. to be grateful for the people who are already in my life. To celebrate this season of my life." Let's try this: let's celebrate each other's life seasons. Regardless of where we are and not to expect each other to be more like each other. Accept the fact that some marry early, some marry late, some think marriage is not for them. Let's congratulate each other, where we are and not look down on each other for not being more like us. We all have our own unique journey. Lower you eyebrows, (real or drawn) and let's be happy for each other for once. You are awesome.

Posted at 05:30 pm by freedsistah

Previous Entry Home Next Entry

October 14th

If you want to be updated on this weblog Enter your email here:

rss feed